punchtheflowers | blossom; cellphone

Hey, Vinnie, it's Max. Just so you know there's some sorta bird thing that's been attackin' people, just so you know, don't know what it's about but if you get this soon call me back. Don't think I'll need to have you come back, but you never know.

Hey so when the birds bite you you turn into stone? Yeah. They're like little chicks. Like baby chickens. But evil. I don't know. But yeah, these things are bad. I think I want you to come back.

BROCK IS A STATUE AND I BROKE OFF HIS DICK BY ACCIDENT but we fixed him. So we can fix this thing. I punched a bird that was hiding in his boxer shorts and I accidentally knocked his dick off but we fixed it don't worry but these things are a major pain I need you to get back here for support.

Where the hell are you and why won't you return a phonecall? What sorta place is this garden? Are you, like, in the middle of a desert with no phone service? Do you need me to send a helicopter to go get you?

WHERE ARE YOU.

Okay they're mutatin' or somethin'. They ain't cute little chicks anymore and, like, a bunch of people are half stone. It's gettin' serious. People can't really heal it anymore. Where the hell are you.

If you won't come back for me then for the love of everything you care about come back for Red and your teammates.

OKAY SERIOUSLY EITHER GET THE HELL IN HERE OR STAY THE HELL OUT. I'M IN A TANK RUNNIN' THE THINGS OVER. MAYBE IT'S SAFER FOR YOU IF YOU STAY OUTTA THIS.

IF WE GET OUTTA THIS I'LL CALL YOU TO TELL YOU WHEN ITS SAFE. IF YOU DON'T HEAR FROM ME WITHIN TWO DAYS, GO TO NELL IN ORANGE STAR AND TELL HER THAT WE NEED AN INVASION ARMY TO RECLAIM SDC FROM WHATEVER THE HELL THESE THINGS ARE. TELL HER TO SEND ONLY HEAVILY ARMORED UNITS TO DO IT - AIR STRIKES AND TANKS ONLY. THE CODE YOU'LL NEED TO TELL HER IS BRAVO-SIX-ECHO-NINE-TANGO-SEVEN. THAT'LL LET HER KNOW THAT YOU'RE ONE OF MINE.

Edited 2011-04-26 17:27 (UTC)

Alright so the thing's dead now. I don't think it's comin' back. We're okay. Don't need to go to Orange Star or Nell now.

Seriously where the hell have you been.

Okay seriously where the hell are you; you need to pick up your phone or get a better plan or think about checkin' your phone more than once every two weeks.

Call. Me. Back.

[Oh look. Look who finally returned to civilization and got cellphone reception again. Only to find all these messages?

HOLY. FUCK.

So on Monday, there's finally a call back.]

Max! Is Red okay? Kanto's cut off all the trains back to FDC for quarantine, what the fuck is going on over there?!

Oh, Vinnie, how kind of you to return my phonecall.

WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN, THE MOON?

I ain't seen Red in two or three days. So he's probably a statue.

[There's a pause. And then, the sound of Vinnie going FUCKKKKKKHHGHGLRAAAAUGH can be heard in the distance as he holds the phone away from his mouth and fights the urge to chuck it at a wall.

Rustle rustle static. Huff.]

I've been too far from the city t'get reception. What's the situation right now?...

The chickens all merged into one giant chicken a couple of stories tall. Then suddenly at sunrise it turned into goop. Smells awful, like a bowl of crap died in a pool made outta rancid meat.

It's dead, we're better, the goop stinks to high heaven but it cures the statues.

[Vinnie gives a shaky sigh.]

Then maybe they'll open up the train lines soon. They're still supposedly searching for stowed away monsters.

You doing al'right then?

I'm fine. I stayed in my tank when I was attackin' them when it got bad. Sonnie acted like an idiot and said he could do it without armor or protection then ran outta juice uh... PP (whatever the heck that is), and had to stash away in my tank because suddenly he had nothin' to keep them away from him other than him just punchin' at them, which woulda got him turned into stone. But he came out fine.

Sasha was at the dojo place. Don't know about her.

PP's just a point system the league uses to keep track of how much we can use a power. Tch, Smoe should know better than that though. Just cuz he's got Thick Fat doesn't mean he's invulnerable.

Sis should be okay, if anything she can fly out've trouble. Hopefully Koz is looking out for Red...

[Pause.]

I dunno if I could've done much ~~considering all you've trained me in is not drowning~~, but I should've been there. It won't happen again.

Don't know who Koz is but if Red's a statue then he's around someplace and you can get him turned back.

And yeah. You should've been here. As soon as you swim your mile in under 30, I'll teach you how to drive the retcon vehicles and use their machine guns. That way if something happens again you could at least drive and shoot.

Edited 2011-05-24 22:23 (UTC)

Koz is Kojiro. The Lapras samurai guy. If Red's with him he should be fine...

Yes, sir. I got kinda close to 30 minutes that one time. I guess it'd be kinda like Bullet Seed? I took that TM once.

I don't know what bullet seed is. But you're gonna learn to drive a humvee and learn to fire a gun mounted on top of it.

...At the same time?

And what's a humvee?

You drive the retcon then when you get to a place you stop and you fire, so you ain't shootin' and drivin' at the same time.

And a humvee is the kinda retcon we use in Orange Star. It's like an SUV on steroids. You'll love it.

So sorta like the thing you drive in Geth Attack: Eden Prime? Okay... dunno if I'll love it in real life, but whatever you say.

Looks like the train'll be running in a few hours. I oughta be back sometime later today.

What the heck is a Geth whatever Edenwhosit?

And you're gonna love it. As one of my soldiers that's a requirement.

Oh, a video game (http://sbg-logs.livejournal.com/604141.html?thread=37084653#t37084653). You shoot robots.

Well, I used t'hate chainsaws, but I love using them now, so... we'll see how fun these humbees are.

blossom; cellphone

1 of many

2 of something

3 of a number

4 of others

5 golden rings

Okay I'm done now

Actually one more

Alright because you are lame you get another one

TIME TRAVEL HAPPENED SHUT UP

1 of 3?

2 of 3

La~

waa

How charming

a regular miss manners

He should win an award for politeness

etiquette champ

More like ettiquette CHUMP oh BURN

VINNIE was hurt by its burn!

Yeah, you take that

VINNIE has fainted!

MAX has gained a level

MAX gets a Hawaiian Shirt for winning

MAX puts it on. MAX rips the arms off. +5 Manly +5 Biceps +4 Pecs +4 Badass +1 Speed

and +10 Pink Flowers

Thankfully his 450 score in blue armpit hair is enough to make that negligible

Now he is +10 purple instead

That's really hardly enough to make a difference, a drop in the armpit hair bucket, if you will